One of you sees a healthy bank balance and feels safe. The other sees it and starts thinking about a holiday. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Money is one of the biggest sources of tension for couples, and the saver and spender pairing is a classic.
Neither approach is wrong. But when two people share a life, understanding how the other thinks about money makes running a household a whole lot easier. Here’s how to find some common ground.
Understand what money means to each of you
For some people, money means security. They like knowing there’s a healthy balance in the bank and a safety net underneath them. Others are more comfortable spending on holidays, dinners out and enjoying life today.
Those attitudes usually come from somewhere. If your parents were careful with every dollar, you may have learned to do the same. If money always seemed to be available when you were growing up, you may feel very differently about spending it. Talking about where your views come from is often the first step towards avoiding the same argument on repeat.
Sort out what’s yours, mine and ours
Once you share a household, the decisions pile up. Who pays the mortgage or rent? How will you handle groceries, electricity, insurance and the car? Will you have a joint account, separate accounts or a mix of both?
No single system suits every couple. What matters is that you both understand how the household finances work and agree on how you’ll handle the big expenses.
The small stuff counts too. A daily coffee on the way to work might seem like nothing to one of you and an easy saving to the other. Little differences like that add up, both financially and emotionally.
Does everything have to be 50/50?
Not necessarily. One partner may earn a lot more than the other. One might work part-time, take time out to care for children or carry more of the household load.
Splitting every expense down the middle doesn’t always make things fair. The aim is an approach that suits your circumstances, and recognising that you can both contribute to a household in different ways.
Agree on what you’re saving for
Saving is much easier when you know what it’s for. Maybe it’s a first home somewhere in the Hunter, a holiday, children or simply a financial buffer. Later on, your goals might shift to paying off the mortgage, building your super or getting ready for retirement.
Your goals will change as your life does, so it’s worth talking about them regularly. A couple working towards the same goal usually finds it much easier to decide where the money should go, and turning those goals into a plan is a big part of our wealth creation advice.
Build a safety net together
Life doesn’t always go to plan. A job can disappear, the car can break down or a big bill can land at exactly the wrong time. Having money set aside for the unexpected gives you some breathing room and helps stop a surprise expense turning into expensive debt.
How you build that safety net depends on your circumstances. For most couples it ends up being a mix of cash savings and the right insurance cover, so that a serious illness or injury doesn’t undo years of progress in one hit. Working out how much of each you need is a conversation worth having together, and it’s a big part of our personal insurance advice.
Don’t forget your super
It’s easy to focus on the household bank account and forget about the money building up in super. But super is part of your financial future too. You may each have different balances, investment options and contribution histories, and looking at them side by side gives you a better picture of where you stand and how your retirement plans fit together.
Super can seem a long way off when you’re younger, but it becomes more important the closer you get to retirement. It’s a conversation we have often as part of our retirement planning work.
Keep the conversation going
Money conversations shouldn’t only happen when something goes wrong. Your circumstances will change. You might buy a home, have children, change jobs or start thinking seriously about retirement.
Set aside some time to look at your finances together. What has changed? Are your goals still the same? Are there any big expenses coming up?
You don’t have to agree on everything. But understanding each other’s priorities, and keeping the conversation going, makes managing money together much easier.
Get some help if you’re stuck
Some couples find these conversations easy. Plenty don’t, especially when the numbers are big or the views are far apart. A financial adviser can act as a neutral third party, helping you both put your priorities on the table and turn them into a plan that works for two.
This is the sort of thing we work through with couples across Newcastle and the Hunter as part of our financial planning conversations.
Talk to Virtuous Wealth
If you and your partner would like a hand getting on the same page with money, we’d love to help. Get in touch with our Newcastle team to book a no-obligation conversation.
This article provides general information only and does not take into account your personal objectives, financial situation or needs. Before acting on any information, you should consider its appropriateness, having regard to your own circumstances, and seek personal financial advice from a licensed adviser.
